Prose
The Fourth Segora Short Story Competition, 2011
Many thanks to last year’s joint winner, Joanna Pocock, for agreeing to judge our fourth story competition. Her adjudication is followed by the four winning entries. Congratulations to their authors, and thanks to all those who supported the competition.
It was a pity we had to exclude a couple of otherwise promising pieces on the grounds of length. Most regular entrants to writing competitions won’t need reminding to follow the guidelines . . .
However, we were delighted with much of the work submitted, and wish all the entrants joy (and good luck) in their writing during the coming twelve months.
Gordon and Jocelyn.
Download all the winners here - you will need Adobe Acrobat Reader to open the file - get free here
It was a pity we had to exclude a couple of otherwise promising pieces on the grounds of length. Most regular entrants to writing competitions won’t need reminding to follow the guidelines . . .
However, we were delighted with much of the work submitted, and wish all the entrants joy (and good luck) in their writing during the coming twelve months.
Gordon and Jocelyn.
Download all the winners here - you will need Adobe Acrobat Reader to open the file - get free here
I enjoyed judging this competition which displayed a colourful range of styles and themes. The winner is Fleur Smithwick (London), whilst second prize goes to Angela Nansera (Bristol). I had considerable difficulty in deciding on third place, ultimately sharing it between Laura Denning (Devon) and Dave Clark (Cambridge).
First Place
'Play On' by Fleur Smithwick
There are shades of Alice Munro in this story of growing up with its inherent losses and frustrated desires. The author plays as much with time as he or she does with memory and manages to vividly capture the feeling of time passing. Alex is the unattainable object of Sam’s desire and encapsulates a universal lustful longing. Although I felt the ending was somewhat rushed and undeveloped, the writing throughout was polished while the spare language created the perfect balance between showing the reader just enough and letting us piece the story together for ourselves. Sentences such as: “While she’s eating I think about all the things that could happen to take her away from me but I forget to think she’ll grow up,” are not only moving but exhibit a wonderful control of language and meaning. Play On displayed an ambitiousness which I applaud but the author might want to look at his or her use of tenses, which slipped in and out of present and past. For a story in which time plays such a crucial role, getting the tenses right is key. The lead-up to the description of the accident could also be developed somewhat. I felt I wanted to know a little more about where the characters actually were physically. Although there is a lovely dream-like quality in the telling of this story, I think a few more concrete details would give it some extra vividness. All in all though this is a well-crafted piece of writing.
Second Place
'Soul Survivor' - by Angela Nansera
This story is written in an original patois, which is evocative and engrossing. It is both darkly comic and wonderfully inventive. Images such as, “Toe nails like melted candles dripped over bashed flip flops and scraped up the chalk marks from a recent Sport’s Day,” are original and vivid; the sounds created by the writing were very effective. I felt the language was writerly without being overdone, but in some places I thought the story would have benefited from moe editing. Soul Survivor gives the reader a dystopian peek into the characters at a school fete, which is unlike any school fete you have ever been to. It explores the chasm between generations, and this author’s sharp eye and even sharper tongue do not spare the young nor the supposedly wise. A fine piece of writing that exhibits an original eye and a lively use of language.
EQUAL Third place
'Manual for Nomads' - by Laura Denning
This story asks: “How can you write out bits of history?” This is an age-old and universal question which the author goes somewhere towards answering through the telling of this story. Manual for Nomads is a timeless tale of a girl and a ghost, which appears simple on the surface but is actually a bittersweet foray into questions of history, memory, belief and the act of writing itself. Told in a convincing child’s voice Manual for Nomads is moving and yet beguilingly unsentimental. I could well imagine it being part of a series of ghostly tales for young adults.
EQUAL THIRD PLACE
'The Immigration Problem' by Dave Clark
This story is both funny and also very timely. The author takes serious issues-immigration and xenophobia-and turns them on their head in the style of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”. The piece is pared down - the clear prose highlighting the utter insanity of the modern world - and is so dry in the telling that one could light it without a match. I enjoyed the author’s sense of irony which was used very effectively to bring home a serious point. I found this piece insightful and humorous, and the writing was crisp: a most enjoyable story.
First Place
'Play On' by Fleur Smithwick
There are shades of Alice Munro in this story of growing up with its inherent losses and frustrated desires. The author plays as much with time as he or she does with memory and manages to vividly capture the feeling of time passing. Alex is the unattainable object of Sam’s desire and encapsulates a universal lustful longing. Although I felt the ending was somewhat rushed and undeveloped, the writing throughout was polished while the spare language created the perfect balance between showing the reader just enough and letting us piece the story together for ourselves. Sentences such as: “While she’s eating I think about all the things that could happen to take her away from me but I forget to think she’ll grow up,” are not only moving but exhibit a wonderful control of language and meaning. Play On displayed an ambitiousness which I applaud but the author might want to look at his or her use of tenses, which slipped in and out of present and past. For a story in which time plays such a crucial role, getting the tenses right is key. The lead-up to the description of the accident could also be developed somewhat. I felt I wanted to know a little more about where the characters actually were physically. Although there is a lovely dream-like quality in the telling of this story, I think a few more concrete details would give it some extra vividness. All in all though this is a well-crafted piece of writing.
Second Place
'Soul Survivor' - by Angela Nansera
This story is written in an original patois, which is evocative and engrossing. It is both darkly comic and wonderfully inventive. Images such as, “Toe nails like melted candles dripped over bashed flip flops and scraped up the chalk marks from a recent Sport’s Day,” are original and vivid; the sounds created by the writing were very effective. I felt the language was writerly without being overdone, but in some places I thought the story would have benefited from moe editing. Soul Survivor gives the reader a dystopian peek into the characters at a school fete, which is unlike any school fete you have ever been to. It explores the chasm between generations, and this author’s sharp eye and even sharper tongue do not spare the young nor the supposedly wise. A fine piece of writing that exhibits an original eye and a lively use of language.
EQUAL Third place
'Manual for Nomads' - by Laura Denning
This story asks: “How can you write out bits of history?” This is an age-old and universal question which the author goes somewhere towards answering through the telling of this story. Manual for Nomads is a timeless tale of a girl and a ghost, which appears simple on the surface but is actually a bittersweet foray into questions of history, memory, belief and the act of writing itself. Told in a convincing child’s voice Manual for Nomads is moving and yet beguilingly unsentimental. I could well imagine it being part of a series of ghostly tales for young adults.
EQUAL THIRD PLACE
'The Immigration Problem' by Dave Clark
This story is both funny and also very timely. The author takes serious issues-immigration and xenophobia-and turns them on their head in the style of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”. The piece is pared down - the clear prose highlighting the utter insanity of the modern world - and is so dry in the telling that one could light it without a match. I enjoyed the author’s sense of irony which was used very effectively to bring home a serious point. I found this piece insightful and humorous, and the writing was crisp: a most enjoyable story.
Adjudication
by
Joanna Pocock
by
Joanna Pocock
